A man screams as the car wash blades whip his disgusting skin! He is nude and covered in boils or bumps or something and he has long hair and is screaming his fucking brains out! Soon after, it appears, the man is clean and obscenely nude, walking through a room with his long penis dangling all over the place. “Is that you Big Ronnie?” a man in a blind person’s glasses asks. “Yeah (someone’s name I forget) it’s me thanks for the car wash.” the man with exposed and elongated Penis Millenus Millennium Falcon responds and hands him a piece of paper with a drawing on it. “Here’s ten bucks, don’t spend it all in one place.” “Aw thanks Big Ronnie. Can we go disco dancing sometime like we used to?” “Sure (name) we can go disco dancing sometime like used to.” And off he shuffles with his dong swinging between his knees.

Now, you might think that’s just some of my deranged nonsense but it’s not – that’s some fucking in media res right there. Shit! Hoity fucking toity. Ooh la la does anyone need an examination?

Have you seen this movie? Do you like it? Do you like open, farting anuses? Do you like people saying the words ‘bullshit artist’ over and over repeatedly again and again and again and again? Do you like people that put grease on their grapefruit? Do you like unflattering nudity? Would you give your left gonad to NEVER have to think about Napoleon Dynamite ever fucking again? Do you like people who use terms like in media res?

You don’t have to answer any of these questions because this isn’t some sort of test or quiz but I’m not sure how many people who read this place will like this thing. Sure there’s some funny parts like the bit about the chips but it’s countered with a ton of irritating transition music that made me want to hurt myself. And there’s a few extended parts where two of them are naked and twisting around chanting something about tootie frootie disco tooties or something.

So there’s this – uuuhhmmm – dude who lives with his dad and goes around in his Speedo type underroos cooking bacon and other shit for his equally unclothed dad. This is a strange dynamic to me having grown up in a house where everyone kept themselves covered for the most part. From what I can tell, they take emotionless and strange people on ‘tours’ of rundown buildings and claim they were important sites in the 70s. Then, that night, the dad character covers himself in grease that resembles vomit / oatmeal and murders them; some by strangling, some by other means like ripping their face off OR, in the only LOL I had the entire time, he cuts a guy’s head off and tries to make a basketball goal with it and misses. Other than that it’s a lot of just showing this guy and his giant dick or even his son and his teeny weeny weenie. Maybe there’s some symbolism there that escapes me. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just about dongs and people screaming “you’re a bullshit artist” over and over. And eating grease of the carpet. And farting.

“One time my dad said he had a secret to tell me and he bent over and spread his cheeks and farted and a piece of shit came flying out and it did a loop de loop around the room. It looked like a brown finger. I have to report him as the greasy strangler.” That might not be exact but something like that exchange happens in there. I’m not going to say I hated this movie but I didn’t love it and I’m glad it makes my friend happy but it really wasn’t for me. Sorry Iod.

FILED UNDER: I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT MUCH DONG SINCE I WATCHED A PORN BUT IVE NEVER WATCHED A PORN SO I CAN ONLY GUESS RIGHT HAHAHA LOTS OF DONGS N BUTTS AND CRYING AND SCREAMING AND YELLING AND LOTS OF PUBIC HAIR AND SOME SQUISHY GORE BUT IT DOESNT REALLY MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE ANYWAY AND IT MADE ME THINK THAT MAYBE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE HAD SEX WITH ALL JACKED UP AND FULL OF WORMS AND THEY MADE A BABY AND IT CAME OUT ASS FIRST FARTING AND SHITTING ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT MAYBE I’M WRONG BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW NOTHING AND NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING.