Uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. The story of my life kind of goes like this: I’m sitting around minding my own business, trying not to bother anyone and I get in trouble and probably yelled at. Here’s an example – I’m living with my mom about 12 or younger and listening to (maybe) a Seals and Crofts record when my mom comes into my room yelling at me for opening the closet door in her sewing room and seeing my Christmas presents. “I didn’t go in there,” I reply honestly and get yelled at again and grounded for something I honestly didn’t do. Or the time I was an adult and was talking to someone and got yelled at for talking when I should have been walking to a training class. Or when I managed someone who worked the late shift and I got yelled at because someone caught her making “a full plate of food” even though we just had a microwave there. Or when I got yelled at for using this one guy’s pen even though it was in New Jersey and he was a real douchebag. Or even that time I was a kid and playing with those sticks and eating them like kids do and my dad starts yelling at me all over the place about how those are human bones those are human bones! Anyway – I wonder if I’ll get yelled at for not liking this George Romero movie?

Because I didn’t and I like movies about witches and shit. Not shit really but you know – witches ‘n shit. But this thing didn’t really have much witchy business and not even much horror to it but it did have some extremely irritating late 60s bangy analog music going on and some WOMP WOMP WOMP camera work in your face for effect crap I didn’t like and some of that fun imagery where the lady dreams she’s no better than a dog to her husband so he smacks her around a little with a rolled up newspaper and sticks her in a dog kennel imagery yay type of stuff. But! Because we are fair here at Eric Undead! I did like the actress who played the daughter (moreover I liked her voice), I liked they 70s architecture and wallpapers and furniture and that very quick bit where the drunk lady is walking into her house and falls down was greatness.

But I think for the rest of it I was really uninterested and I felt like the thing was really kind of bland and boring like this grilled chicken sandwich I got from a place called Chick-Fil-A last night.

So this middle aged lady (I guess, she looks 30 or so) is married with a teenage kid but she’s unhappy. It is the early 70s so she probably never made bad decisions in her life and had to do things like work in a restaurant 90 hours a week for a few years straight or got sepsis and almost died twice but she’s unhappy and one day sitting around with her gabby lady friends they gossip that someone they know is a witch in a coven. I’m going to condense this for you a little so it goes something like this: “Intriguing!” She thinks and cocks an eyebrow and buys some cauldrons and herbs with her MasterCharge (for real) and then balls her daughter’s boyfriend and kills her husband accidentally. Or is it an accident? I guess that’s for us to figure out.

This reminded me a lot of Rosemary’s Baby which I also didn’t like very much. In this one, the daughter’s boyfriend is one of those radical 60s guys who appears to teach at a college, carries some dope around and isn’t afraid to ball if someone puts The Make on him. He also looks like one of the Monkees but that’s not that big of a deal I guess. Everyone always said I looked liked Shaggy from Scooby Doo when I was growing up. I guess now Shaggy has to wear glasses and has a wide abdomen.

Maybe, I don’t know, this one didn’t do it for me and I didn’t really care at all about much that happened in it. I’m not that big of a Romero fan and thought this could have used some more witchiness but, well, I reckon that’s it. Also don’t do dope or it will make you cackle and fall over. And don’t listen to your daughter Making It.

FILED UNDER: I REMEMBER WHEN MY MOM HAD A MASTER CHARGE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS THE COOLEST THING I HAD EVER SEEN THAT IS EXECPT FOR THE TARDIS AND SPOCK AND SARAH JANE SMITH AND THIS PINBALL MACHNE I HAD AND MISTER MIRACLE AND DOCTOR FATE AND POWER GIRL OMG

Normally I feel like I ramble on for way too long and this post seems short to me so I thought I’d take up some more space and vaguely introduce something I may or may not be working on that may or may not be coming our way in some fashion in the soon or not so soon future: