I think it is only right for me to start this off by saying that – and I willingly accept your growls and harrumphs and psshaws and middle fingers and up yours-s and eat shits and I understand I do I understand – but I really didn’t like Rosemary’s Baby. I thought it was totally irritating and Mia Farrow drove me crazy and it just wasn’t for me and I’m not trying to be some contrarian but I didn’t love it and ok all right maybe we can move along and have a nice day together or night whenever. So when I say that I liked this prequel to Rosemary’s Baby a lot more than I liked Rosemary’s Baby that’s not me trying to be edgy and cool and dark and unbelievably handsome but it’s just that I didn’t like Rosemary’s Baby so to me this was a ton better and more enjoyable and modern and it looked good and sounded good and I like Julia Garner and there were some leather couches in there that I loved and want and the dance numbers didn’t bother me and I don’t know hey shrugs it was all right with me but I still think I liked First Exorcism better.

Speaking of Julia Garner, I would like to thank her for making a movie called Tomato Red: Blood Money because the post I did on that thing gets me like three views a week and is by far the most ever looked at thing out here for some reason. I don’t even remember writing anything spectacular about it but hey what can I say – I would like to thank the good country small town reader who keeps looking at it I appreciate you. Now that I think about it I might have put something in there about a guy fucking a sheep so maybe that’s the draw but I’d have to go look at it to be sure and I don’t feel like that right now. But anyway – Julia Garner: an Eric Undead friend and family member whether she knows it or likes it or wants to have me chained to a tree in the back of her mansion and forgotten about until my diseased carcass is later discovered, eaten away by raccoons and other filthy scavengers.

In here she plays an inspiring and short dancer who just wants to make it big and have her name in the lights and on posters and on the marquis and maybe make it on the Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show but she hurts herself and gets hooked on painkillers and just can’t get her groove back in her head or on her feet and one day she gets high and follows one of the dance number’s producers to his monolithic apartment complex and plans to face him head on like the boss she is and tell him “look you son of a bitch i’m not going to cheapen myself and act like some pig wallering in slop for some role you can go fuck yourself and get off of your high horse you bloated bastard just because you have New York money and I’m from Nebraska you can’t treat people like that I oughta take you down a few sizes you and your uppity so and so Easterners can take this shit and shove it in your ass and get someone else to wipe it I wiped enough butts back on the farm and i’m not going to do it again you better believe that not for you or anyone else you can take that to the bank and i mean the Bank of New York even and not just some Credit Union or even the ones the British use over here I mean that big fucking bank right there with the big sun statue in front of it yeah that’s right I don’t need you or anyone else you people think you’re so high and mighty with your eyeglasses and wearing bow ties to dinner and yeah you might have your own telephone in your house and maybe a machine that washes clothes for you but that don’t mean shit to me uh uh no way jose see this thumb right here why don’t you bend over and sit on it how about that you classless piece of -” but instead because she’s high on dope she just says something like “look” and “ubbleda ubbleda bluh bluh” like some country dipshit and stumbles out of the building and starts puking on the street like some trash from Nebraska right there in front of God and everyone especially these two old people who take a liking to her.

Are you familiar with Rosemary’s Baby? I’m going to bet some of my money that you are, maybe not my whole paycheck but a portion of it, so you probably know what those two, kind old people want with this young woman and what goes on inside her body below her rib cage and in between her hips. Writing this sentence made me think of this old diagram I made years ago to help explain this concept (back when this place was called Film Miasma) so maybe it will help here in case we’re confused but the old folks are trying to get something going in in the HQ there:

*AHEM. Soooooooo – I guess if we’ve made it this far you can probably guess they succeed. And not because of that old guy two pictures above – I mean he has the money and the means – but they don’t use his – um er uhm uh – spirit. We are led to believe the guilty party is none other than that sonofabitching know it all high horse producer guy we talked about a long time ago who thinks people like me from the American midwest are cow riding dumbasses. I mean he never really says that but I’ve seen enough movies to know what people on either coast think about things like this. I used to live in California and everyone was always super surprised that I didn’t have some sort of thick Y’ALL accent and ride horses to school and live in outhouses and eat rabbits all day. Eric Undead Hint: we don’t. I mean my grandpa used to tell me stories about the Great Depression before hw went of to WW2, during the Dust Bowl, when they had to eat things like gophers but now we have modern things like electricity and other things but we don’t have to go on about this for hours.

Let’s get back to Terry’s Baby (Garner’s character).

Can you see what’s in that reflection? Hmmm?

Cut back to Terry. I don’t feel like she was that surprised when she turned up pregnant and I’m not going to try and guess what was going through her mind or how she thought she got that way. They didn’t go the way of Immaculate in this one so they must have used the path I tried to draw up earlier even if getting through that lock is always something I found difficult but somehow it happened here and something is growing inside of her that she grows un-fond of kind kind of like how un-fond I was last Sunday when I had to work against my will and this one lady started playing the radio on her phone very loudly and it was some of that 80s music I never liked to begin with and it was so irritating I thought about taking her phone outside and running over it over and over again with my jeep but my sense of being a gentleman won out and instead I worked through the pain until that horrible Aerosmith song came on and I took the phone into the men’s bathroom and stuck it in the urinal and peed all over it. “Take that Steven Tyler you son of a bitch I bet you wallow around like pigs in shit and come from southeast Nebraska like some dipshit who doesn’t know his asshole from his belly button and one day you were all ‘woo hoooooo look what I found in my underwear it’s poo poooooo’ and played with it all over town and then wrote this stupid song yeah I know you and I know your kind you can’t pull it over on me I got you I got you you son of a bitch.”

In fact, she dislikes the thing so much she goes to a back alley clinic to get it taken care of and there’s a scene I found kind of odd in there but maybe it’s just me do eventually she heads to the church for help but her seeds of hope wont grow there either.

I thought about sticking this on the nun chart but she’s only in it for about two minutes and didn’t want to cheapen it for us –> because we’re not cheap and trashy street dwellers here at Eric Undead. This may be the place for The Lingering Odor of Bad Writing^TM but we’re #classy

What will happen to that baby? What will happen to that short dancer from Nebraska? What will happen to that lady she ran into in the laundry room???

FILED UNDER: COOL COUCHES AND SHORT HAIRDOS AND ANOTHER ONE OF THE REASONS ON MY LONG LIST OF REASONS NOT TO LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY I MEAN COME ON