*sincerest apologies to any Australians who might stop by this post [or anything I might write in general]

In this Australian video feature from the late 80s, a bunch of Australians drive around for a while and then rent some boats to go to a beach to shoot a music video for one of the most un-catchy songs you’ll hear this year. There, they drink beer and smoke giant joints and some of them fornicate and some go nude swimming and most of them end up dead which is no big spoiler. There’s a band who do a musical number and the entire thing was still kind of in an old VHS rendering so it was difficult to see spread out on a large tv. When I mention that everyone gets killed it’s kind of weird because really everyone does whether they’re on the mainland or the beach or even jet-skiing out in the water but hey! I mean one guy who I figured might be the killer was just standing by a tree after the people left on the boats, smirking about those kids today and get hacked up by a machete. Which, if you make it to the end, doesn’t make any goddammed sense but ok!

Honestly, this is a very unremarkable movie aside from an unexpected head split in half kill that I didn’t see coming and for some reason this character portrayed by this actress:

I have no idea why I liked her so much – and by ‘so much’ I mean I didn’t really like anyone else but there was something about her unusual-ness that worked for me in some manner or other.

So – yep – an Australian slasher that won’t make you long for the good old days of 1989 and has a musical number about 40 minutes into it and hmmm.

Luckily. I was looking through the Eric Undead Cabinet of Ephemera and Rarities^TM and found an issue of the local Victoria Herald from October ‘89 where the local beat reporter ran a story on this thing. Let’s see what was going on way down under during the weeks of the film shoot. *Accuracy and fact not guaranteed

Apparently the foot actor who spent a ton of screen time wearing boots and walking on dirt or gravel, occasionally pivoting, was none other than the Australian legend – whose name is faded here in this old newspaper, but it’s the guy who went around wearing assless chaps in The Road Warrior. He’s quoted as saying: “Mate, I bared me bum for four weeks out in that blasted desert and had blisters as large as the headlights on your Bolwell. It was time to put some proper pants on and get used to dundees agin.” He adds: “My agent set me up for the bit of Acid Head or Acid Face or whatever ‘e was called but I didn’t feel like burnin’ my face with no acid so I just did them feet things.” And then, wistfully, “The pay still put me child through school though…”

Further down the first page, in the bottom corner of the first column reads this oddity: “The name of the actual houseboat is “President”. When I asked the location manager about the name of the rig he turned around and spit chewing tobacco in my face, grabbed my testicles and started yelling ‘It’s because I’m the president of your balls, mate!!’ He then put his other hand behind my head, lifted me above the ground and carried me to the shoreline on the other side of the island, singing ‘My man ‘ere’s got curly hair it’s inside his underwear!’ repeatedly, over and over. He must have carried me about 300 meters before he tossed me into the beachhead and buried me up to my neck. It was most frightening.” The picture associated within the article – I’ve been able to use modern technologies and replicate it below – I’m not sure if this is the person he references or not:

There’s a peculiar topless shower scene after everyone gets settled in for their first night. Deep within the article in the Herald, I found this juicy bit of news: “When I questioned the actress about her artistic intentions she envisioned there, she had this to say, ‘That actually wasn’t intentional, mate. You see, when we first set out, the cast and I decided we’d summon some spirits through the ouija and see if they’d bless our shoot, the ouija is very popular right now you see. At first them (sic) were kind and friendly, almost like they were from Adelaide or thereabouts, but soon them (sic) were thrashing things about and the boat was rocking like it were (sic) the high seas. Once we all started screaming and pitching for help our mate started filming. I don’t know if he captured all of the horrible things that happened in those cabins but Animal was super sick and them (sic) were speaking though him. Eventually he vomited all over a wall and into his bongo and we burned it and cast the ashes out into the depths. Sone of that got soaked (sic) my shirt and I went to wash which is why you can clearly see I’m wearing my undies in the shower. That’s it.’ Interesting!” Eric Undead note: “Animal” is the credited actor who is the drummer for the band.

I also was able to transpose this from the paper:

The article ends addressing the double horseshoe kill scene. The paper is faded and kind of torn here and there but I’ll try and recreate what I think it has to report. “… we all know the game of horseshoes is sweeping [ ] even in our fair country. [ ] syphilis and gonorrhea seem to be rising and prevalent. The [ ]municipalities are trying to stem the rampant orgy filled horseshoe pits by [ ] like the French and [ ] oiled like some sort of Greek in a fountain where [ ] any way possible.” Here we proceed to the top of the next page where it’s not so tattered: “it seems the filmmakers set out to draw up a cautionary tale about acting like proper citizens, even under the howling moon when the most beastly urges arise. It seems to allude, although sponsored by whom is unclear, that throwing pairs of horseshoes and engaging in carnality will lead to certain death. At the time of this writing local polled hospitals have confirmed that bloody discharge incidents are indeed, not down among patients aged 20-25.”

FILED UNDER: LORD HELP US AND VIDEOTAPES AND PITCHING HORSESHOES AND ACID FACE AND JETSKIS AND EPHEMARA AND GASOLINE AND UNSOAPY SHOWER SCENES AND CURLY HAIRS AND DON’T CHOP DOWN TREES AND WATCH YOUR ASS AND PUKING IN BONGOS AND AT LEAST THEY DIDN’T KILL THE CAT AND TEASED HAIR AND THOSE WILD AND CRAZY 80S GODDAMN