Suitable. Flesh. Suitable. Flesh. Flesh. Suit. Suitable. Flesh.

*drums fingers*

*looks at clock*

*rubs the back of neck*

*inhales deeply*

Remember when you lived with those two guys over there off 45th – remember the one I mentioned out here before where the guy spontaneously combusted out there by the grill and you didn’t know what to do so the three of you buried his remains and ashes out back – that house where you hung out all night every night drinking beer and whiskey and it was a real party house man party party party and you and [name redacted] thought it would be real fucking hilarious to stand around naked drinking beer and smoking cigarettes right there in the transition between the kitchen and the living room and everyone thought it was funny except for this guy named Scott but everyone called Scoot and he was the manager at the Hooters on the Expressway and he thought he was hot shit with a big trendy sun tattoo over one of his pecs or tits if you want to call it that but he did bring chicks over and anyway he got pissed because you two were naked and started talking and going on and on about pit fighting and breaking bones and everyone got really freaked out and you put your clothes back on and everything and suddenly Scoot stopped coming around and it’s kind of blurry but there was this other guy that used to hang around there too and you don’t remember his name but he was the buggy eyed long haired guy who worked at the liquor delivery warehouse with [name redacted] and he always said ‘that old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be’ and that drove you fucking insane but he brought over free liquor sometimes so hey but when the landlady didn’t renew your lease because we were young punks who ruined their house and we had to move out and whoever was packing up that coat closet in the front hall found that leathery Double Vented Patch Pocket jacket with a large trendy sun emblem where the right tit would go and I’ll let you put two and two together on whether that was a flesh suit or not.

*puts right index finger on left palm chakra*

*slows*

*sees self as open, warm*

*taps eraser on chin*

*reminisces*

*breathes in*

Heather Graham, who I have thought has had, in my eyes but not trying to be insensitive or rude but I’ve always thought she had suitable flesh ever since I saw her in Diggstown back when I was living in my moms house hubba hubba heart heart anyway she plays some sort of super smart psychologist or psychiatrist who knows shitload about schizophrenia and knows how to hypnotize people in five seconds and suddenly decides to rub her suitable flesh against this one dude’s suitable flesh because he’s really coming on to her and she likes it moan moan moan and suddenly soon someone else’s spirit is inside her suitable flesh and she balls her husband like he’s never been balled before and soon breaks every doctor rule since the Greeks and goes to interfere with her patient who may or not be getting killed and someone’s head gets cut off and someone gets driven over in a cool scene involving a rear view camera and they try and confuse us with who’s in her suitable flesh and who’s not and soon there’s a very well done scene in a hallway and before long it’s over if you or someone else were thinking this movie was going to showcase a lot of horny suitable flesh you’d be wrong aside from some side butt but this was supposed to be a good horror movie but it just seemed like some sort of early 90s thing we might see on Cinemax with the oppressive soft synth musics and maybe overacting without all of the 30 minute soft humping sessions not that I ever watched those or anything maybe once I left the tv on when I went to play midnight basketball or something and my eyes my poor eyes but Suitable Flesh seemed really a lot tamer in all aspects I expected except for some good practical blood effects and Heather Graham is still heart heart smooch smooch.

*walks around in circles*

*tries to make sense of things*

*rolls around on the floor a little bit*

*sighs*

*composes self*

*cracks knuckles*

*pinches eye crusties out of eye corners*

*takes breath*

Barbara Crampton jeez o pete how do you I mean come on wow when I first started this blog I put an account on Twitter so I could tell the people who made the wolf of snow hollow how much I liked their movie and they were receptive and cool and that made me happy that people weren’t all dicks and I followed some people here and there and somehow Barbara Fucking Crampton followed me and I was all swooooooon and I don’t really look at Twitter too much any more because I used to look at it mostly when I would let my dogs out before bed but now I just play a game on my iPad instead but that and this movie reminded me of the first blog I had and that Twitter account and how I got this guy named AJ Bowen to do an interview with me and that’s when people were all making fun horror like Ti West and Joe Swanberg and Adam Wingard and Joe Lynch and I thought we were all buddies and I asked Wingard on Twitter to do an interview and he was a total dick and I was all fuck you buddy go fuck yourself I don’t need your fucking shit but I said that internally but then I hated them all and up yours and who do you think you are and getting too big for your britches huh pal and Chillerama really sucked eat shit and Everly wasn’t my favorite but I liked Death Note despite my lingering anger and hmph and ffft but here we are we with Suitable Flesh by Joe Lynch and I guess it was all right but it seemed super slow and boring most of the time and for teasing lots of suitable flesh in the trailers it was very modest except for some thighs and buttocks unless you’re into Jonathan Schaech‘s swollen upper body muscles and don’t get fooled by Graham licking Crampton in that trailer but it does get some good gore points and that extended scene in the hallway at the hospital seemed well thought out and fun so yeah it was all right but maybe not as exciting as I thought it would be or could be and the music or score was super lame but so were most of the late 80s so there’s that but Barbara Crampton heart heart smuch.

FILED UNDER: WELL I GUESS THIS WASNT THAT BAD BUT IT DID REMIND ME OF THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE JUST STAYED DEAD LIKE THE SKIN SPORTSCOAT AND THE 80s AND SYNTHESIZED SAXOPHONE BUT ITS ALWAYS NICE TO SEE GRAHAM AND THAT REAR CAMERA THING WAS CLEVER SO HEY PS WINGARD UP YOURS SIT ON IT ANUS