Let’s just start this of honestly – I didn’t love it. I wanted to, but I didn’t. As much as I like Cage, I thought he was too hammy in this one which wasn’t helped by a strange appearance he did on some talk show I never watch where he was acting uppity and wanted to be like “Thespis the Greek”. I like Hoult too but I didn’t buy into him at all and surprisingly – I really DON’T care for Awkwafina but I did kind of like her in this. I also didn’t like this and that but thought some of the shit could have been better if they’d used practical effects and blah blah blah but I think the thing is that I don’t really like vampire movies. Kind of like I don’t like mob movies (just kill me already for not liking The Godfather sheez) or three hour endurance tests like what I envision Oppenheimer to be (I already have friends who come over and talk for three hours and never leave) or The H8ful 8t or movies with snare drums like Birdman or The Social Network or The Wrestler or Dane Cook or sorry Jack Black or what is uhhhhhhhh body horror so I don’t get boners for Croners but now I’m just getting away from anything. Sorry sorry I’ll leave!

*leaves*

*returns*

Hey wait, this is my place! This is about the only thing I do to keep my brain creative so you might be stuck with me here and there if you feel like it. I tried my hands at writing short stories but – I know or think you have to be persistent but I submitted two once and was rejected in a world record 30 seconds (I think). I wrote a new one a year or so ago that I thought I could make something of but I never did anything with it because publishers hate you, so. At least the folks who wrote Renfield got it made! Good for them! So i guess now I’m going to try and think about some vampire things I may or may not have liked.

Let the Right One In – man I loved this movie. The kid in this one really reminded me of me when I was little – lonely and sad – and fuck yeah in that swimming pool scene. I mean FUCK YEAH I loved that sequence.

Let Me In – I thought this was really really good except for a couple of disappointing CGI bits and the Owen in here was a little too weird and frail. Nothing against the actor boy but he reminds me of Orin from Parks and Rec and if you don’t know that reference imagine someone who lives full time under your desk at work and only shows his face when you cut one because you think no one else is around.

Vampires by John Carpenter – I thought this was good but it was late 90s so I’m betting you ten units of currency that it doesn’t hold up. I could be wrong and out ten units of currency but I think I’m not. The score is probably great.

30 Days of Night – OOOOOOOHH I loved this! I haven’t thought about this in a while. Danny Huston right? Yep he was great. Josh Hartnett back when I didn’t like him was really good and Melissa George – mmmmmmmm. Even a young Ben “I eat thumb tacks and drink lighter fluid for breakfast” Foster wasn’t too bad. I should rewatch this.

30 Days of Night 2 – I only saw it once but thought it was true horseshit.

Speaking of true things – True Blood – when this first came out I was also on the bandwagon and liked it but didn’t looooooove it like a lot of people. I liked that it had some Deadwood folks in it and Deborah Ann Woll was yum. I also liked what was her name – Arlene maybe? Anyway those first two seasons I thought were really good than it went to shit and it went fast. Kind of like that time lapse of the fox decomposing in the title credits. Poor thing.

That Dracula movie with Keanu Reeves. I don’t care about Francis Ford Coppola so there’s that and the only thing I really remember about this was Winona Ryder going around in a nightgown for awhile. Sorry if that sounds pervy but I’m not sorry.

From Dusk to Dawn – this was also one of my favorite movies for a long time. “It’s bats.” I’ve said that a lot. I thought both of the sequels sucked and couldn’t get into the tv show but I’ll always have history with this thing. There was a time in the 90s when I was very lonely and very depressed and only had a few things left: my cat, a couch, a tv and a few videotapes. And a vcr. I had Blade Runner that I would watch in the dark and drink whiskey straight and think dark things about how bad I sucked. I had Raising Arizona which made me a little happy, a movie called After Dark, My Sweet and then Red Rock West. Later I got this and for some reason it gave me some hope. I feel like I’m missing one. Oh yeah Heaven’s Prisoners with Alec Baldwin. That last one had me wanting to leave everything behind and go live in the swamp but I didn’t. Not the actual swamp of course but over in Louisiana with the pelicans and alligators where I wouldn’t bother anyone.

Ummmmm. What else? I know (or think I remember) Blogferatu didn’t care for it but I loved Midnight Mass. I know it got a little too talky at times but I really got into it. Midnight Club on the other hand turned out to be a big waste of time for me. Kind of like how I didn’t like Bly Manor either. (Editor’s note Author’s note: I’m really not enjoying Fall of the House of Usher either which makes me sad : ( )

There’s a “Classic” Dr Who that’s one of my favorites. It’s called State of Decay and it’s part of the eSpace trilogy. I know I’m The Old One Out Here but I miss shows like this. At least no one spoke Baby. Or Horse.

So Renfield here. I’m summarizing so I might get things wrong but our man here goes to a co-dependency group because he’s fed up with Dracula’s shit. He also carries live insects around in a tin that looks like one of those Altoids boxes and eats them and becomes super strong and takes people back for his vampire master to feed. Some of these are fun scenes when arms are getting ripped off and feet are flying around and blood is splattering all over but – and one of my big peeves – is it’s CGI blood so no one really gets blood on his shirt or anything so – well. I think the best part in here was when Cage confronts his man at his new apartment and they kind of play off of Hoult’s recap of things he’s been up to.

I think it was right around this part if i remember correctly:

I just watched this a couple of weeks (months) ago (that’s how slow I am) and I see he’s already got something else on demand – something called Sympathy for the Devil with Holder from The Killing. Honestly I don’t think it looks that great but i’ll probably still watch it at some point but I am curious if Cage is out of his debt problems yet because he is really saturating the market still and it seems like this has been going on for years and years now.

And, because I’m thorough, I was proof reading this a little and looked up “Thespis” because I had it spelled “Thespus” and saw this blurb:

According to tradition, in 534 or 535 BC, Thespis astounded audiences by leaping on to the back of a wooden cart and reciting poetry as if he was the characters whose lines he was reading. In doing so he became the world’s first actor, and it is from him that we get the word thespian.

That search came with an alleged bust or sculpture or whatever image of Thespis:

Which really got my brains in a mess because it reminded me of these aliens from Doctor Who’s Destiny of The Daleks:

AND OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED AND THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES!!! AAAAAAAAA AAAA RRGGGHHHH ERM AHH!

Forgive me. At what cost has this post come? And so shall this post end!

FILED UNDER: I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE WATCHED RENFIELD RIGHT BEFORE JOHN WICK 4