I think I want to say that the very end of this movie has a very cool sequence of a lady running through the woods with a flashlight. Like bravo how you pulled that off Mr DP good job. Now – leading up to that I don’t remember how she got that flashlight and I think she was barefoot so her feet would probably have been ripped up quick but I loved it and yay hooray. I thought the rest of the thing was kind of sus -isn’t that a term used today ? – but who are we to judge but just talk about what we saw here. This is also probably the only time I’ve seen a drunk (fake) throw up followed by a kiss on the mouth which reminds me of something I was involved in during a New Years night probably sometime around 1992 or 93 and it wasn’t pleasant but we can talk about that some other time if the topic comes back up. I guess hopefully it won’t but it’s fun how memories zip zip zzzapp through your head sometimes. Zzzzck zzzzack.

The opening here involves Tiffany Shepis who had visited us here at Eric Undead in The Hazing and has been seen loitering around in things we’ve never written about like Delta Delta Die and Night of the Demons even though it feels like she’s in a lot of the things I watch. In this one it seems she’s been involved in a robbery and her name is Pat Macrotch and the three of them are going to hang out at some off the road cabin and wait for a fourth guy to get there and divvy up the money. This portion was surprisingly well acted and put together and I had surprisingly decent hopes for everything and then they are all murdered by a guy in a raincoat for no real reason I could see other than it’s a horror movie called Axeman at Cutter’s Creek. *shrugs. That also isn’t her name but I was wondering if anyone was paying attention.

At some point in time later that’s not disclosed, a group of people show up at that same cabin to do some partying and sex. There are the VERY very happy and kissy and always horny lesbians, the fat guy who follows them around videotaping them so he can beat off later, the douchebag, the nice girl, her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, the hot bitchy red headed lady and the tough black guy. I really don’t know how all these people would be friends but I’ve never had an extended group of friends really so I can’t say. I was an only child so I really only ever wanted one friend or maybe two and that’s all I did. Anyway they are all there and the two skinny girls go off to make out and the fat guy goes to videotape them so he can crank hog and then there’s a bunch of talking with weirdly bad audio where a guy explains the axeman of cutter’s creek killed everyone just because he unleashed the axeman in him or something, I honestly couldn’t tell and he’s still at large and all that so that’s how they got the cabin so goddamned cheap and he’s sure the axeman won’t be along to kill anyone while they’re out there doing partying and sex. Later that night the horny, meat beating fellow is stalking the red head bitch lady so he can get more materials to work his donkey when a guy in a raincoat comes out of the woods behind him without making a sound and rips his throat open and we know it’s the axeman because he’s the axeman of cutters creek.

The next day no one seems to care because “I once saw him beat off for 36 hours” or something – the audio is really bad – so they all drink and fight and the pretty innocent girl sees her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend which is her old best friend and she gets mad so her new boyfriend storms off into the land around the creek and finds a bag of money sitting there on a tree stump. “I’m rich as a king!” he yells and takes a hatchet or axe to the chest because the axeman means business. “Glurk glork” are his last words and that’s the last we see of him until his corpse shows up in a garage later. “Where’s my new boyfriend??” asks the girl in the cabin. “I’m going out to look for my new boyfriend who doesn’t think I’m over my old boyfriend who’s balling my best friend and while I’m at it I’m going to find the fat guy who whips it constantly!” And off she goes and that’s the last we see of her and she was my favorite of the cast and seemed like a good actress despite some poor dialogue writing and we have to assume she fell victim to the axeman of cutters creek.

This is the start of the fifth paragraph so we better get a move on. At one point the sheriff shows up at the axeman’s house like nothing’s any big deal and asks him to identify himself because wait I thought he lived there all along huh? You might recognize her from Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity (chef’s kiss) or 100 other things but here she is and she says something like “look you cocksucker I call the shots around here!” so he twists her head all the way around to prove that he’s a strong as Hercules, I guess. And so it goes. The giant man in the raincoat easily kills everyone as fast as shit except the final girl but I won’t spoil it but he just can’t seem to kill her and she escapes and runs off into the woods in the bit I talked about in my opener.

So! Aside from a good opening and a cool ending I don’t feel like this was super incredible. I couldn’t hear what was going on half the time and the dialogue was pretty iffy. Red haired bitch lady says things like “quit raping me with your eyes and do something about it after your balls drop” and of course the fellow who consistently talks about pounding his pud his entire time. Hey at least they got their movie made which is more than I ever did! And it looks like there’s a sequel.

FILED UNDER: I’M RICH AS A KING AND WAY TOO HORNY SMILEY PEOPLE AND I PUT IN SOME APOSTROPHES