Huh. Well. It seems like a lot of people really like this movie. Of course, I just watched it and it just came out and I write so slow that it will probably take two months to publish this thing but this place gives me a chance to do some writing and try to keep the brain in good sorts so let’s see what I can think of out here. For context, right now im at the barber shop waiting for my barber lady to touch my head and then cut things that grow out of my skin. I went to the same barber for thirty years or so and then we think he might have died so I started coming to this place close to me and while Wayne used to rotate my head and give me a flat top EVERY time for decades whether I wanted one or not, Nicole here rubs my head and my neck and if it’s not busy she’ll wash my hair and I’d pay good money just for that alone. I miss Wayne and I spent a LOT of time there in his shop but he never washed my head or trimmed my beard or rubbed my neck so it’s good here. Or rubbed my temples. But it’s good memories! Happy times of Wayne and the Guy You Never Go To and when they opened the tattoo place next door and later when they opened the head shop at the end and good nostalgia things like that. Kind of like the end of this movie I guess. Maybe. Without a bunch of flying saucers overhead.

I’m sure by the time this ever comes out people will have stopped talking about how much they loved it on Twitter. I find it weird that this is being given so much high praise – I mean it’s good mostly – but? I saw Stephen King and del Toto jizzing about it like it was the best thing they’ve seen in decades. Hmmm. Huh. Hrmm. Whatever happens in this piece I’ll probably be spoiling the fuck out of this movie so there’s that.

I will always and forever be in love with you, movie, if you have very little dialogue. I cringe at your constant jabbering Q Tarantino and my perceived Manifested Irritable Brain Syndrome from what I’ve heard about Oppenheimer. “But this is cinema!!” Says some preposterous asshole. Sheesh. That’s like literature. I always wanted to start my own independent publishing company called Fuck Literature but I never had the money or really the time or knew how to run a publishing company. But anyway by now I’m sure you know it or have heard that there’s only two lines of dialogue in this movie which is great but at some point(s) I thought it was super gimmicky – maybe an ‘ oh shit!’ or ‘fuck!’ or ‘what are you doing here?’ would have worked for me but I didn’t write the thing, I guess. So let’s give this thing some high and low fives for less dialogue but also a note in our tiny notebooks that maybe some could have worked here and there.

I should also go forth here and mention that I really like the girl from Last Man Standing the tv show. I remember when she kind of quit that and started getting older and did Justified and now she’s executive producing and running her own movie and looks like she’s still young. Good for her! I also think she did great in here and did good eye acting and running acting and looking scared acting and all of that so here’s a Film Miasma Bring It Home Girl Bring It Home Trophy for being studly

Just look at that engraving job our brilliant team of Film Miasma Engraving Engineers did there.

I also think they really had something going there until, well shit, until they showed the aliens. Here’s something about me that I don’t get that makes me irritable – I listen to everyone shit and gripe that they didn’t like The Flash because of bad CGI. [note: Ezra Miller has done bad things but Ezra Miller was good in We Need To Talk About Kevin but there was WAY TOO MUCH EZRA MILLER in The Flash even though some of Ezra Millar’s lines and actions were funny]. It is my opinion that most CGI is pretty bad if someone is trying to make something look organic (a person or face or animal) and it always looks like a cartoon to me anyway so what’s the big fucking deal here? Have you people that dislike things like this never read a comic book where you disliked the artist? Anyway, I thought things were going ok here until they showed the aliens which looked absolutely terrible but no one bitched this time. That irritates me.

So it’s my terrible opinion that any time our gray friends showed up that I was disinterested and all “whaaaaat” and “huuuuunh” and how did this little short girl kill that super strong telekinetic gray thing and whaaaaaaat with the people in the bus and huuuuuuunh with the thing chasing her around the basement and hmmmmmmm with the suddenly giant praying mantis thing and hunnnnnnnnnh in the spaceship and whaaaaaaaaaa with the throat thing she and only she can rip out and whuuut with the giant examination room bit and hunh is this just The Babadook with aliens and ok ok grief and sadness and self forgiveness and ok ok hey she’s happy right the aliens saved her but no one will save you so whaaaaaaa?

But –> I’m sure I just didn’t get it, which is really probably the case here.

But other than that I thought everything went great. It was HD and the other CGIs were nice and crisp and the sound was effective and why can’t they just use some of that free moonlight sometimes because not all of us are young and twenty five and have great eyes and some of us have cataracts now come on but this was good enough. I don’t think it was the amazing marvel del Toro and King said it was but hey it wasn’t bad except for maybe that bus part.

Hey you know what and – APOLOGIES CPD. Speaking of Stephen King, I – well – so when I was a kid my friend and I read The Stand at the same time and then I read some other things of his because he was getting real popular and they started making his shit into movies and then I moved on to other things – a guy named Gene Wolfe and I read all of his stuff and then I got older and got into to this idea I could get girlfriends but I never tried very hard I guess but anyway I got out of reading for a while.

Now I read all of the time and there’s these guilty books I like called Hard Case Crime and they’re pulpy, light reading mostly about private dicks and dames and broads and murder, etc but I guess King wrote a book for this series (technically I think he did three) called Joyland. It’s about a murder and a haunted ride in an amusement park and really and honestly I was totally disappointed and it was a real fucking struggle to finish. Nothing against the guy but this book had: a dude trying to get laid for the first time, carny workers, older ladies who dig younger dudes to teach them the ways of life and then the obligatory wheelchair bound, dying kid who likes to wink and has The Sight and spoiler saves the day by conveniently talking to a ghost. It seemed like the same exact stories of his i read 40 years ago. The exact same. But really – is he really writing all of this stuff? It seems like he puts out two or three books a year, no?

Anyway – this movie was cool and nice but I didn’t love it like everyone else. The cgi folks didn’t work for me but otherwise yeah. ok. Mm hmm. Good stuff. Great.

FILED UNDER; THERE ARE NO CELL PHONES IN THIS MOVIE WHICH WAS A DELIGHT

CROSS FILED UNDER: I THINK I LIKED VAST OF NIGHT A LOT BETTRR