OR! If you like:

After three movies at around six hours of – ahem – stolid nuns killing people or making you shush your lips or even spitting chewed up food into your mouth, Sister Wrath arrived and started of with a bang of a krunking – is that even a word – a nun gyrating and grinding and really shake it don’t break it baby love me or leave me making some moves out in the stripper pole before whipping some sort of machine gun out from under her robe or whatever and blasting a room full of pasta eating mafia dudes to smithereens for some reason I’ve already forgotten but there was a purpose according to the script. Sadly though, this angel of revenge has her mission cut short when one of the boys sneaks up behind her and pops a cap in there. I think he might he even have used those words because this opening is full of so many stereotypes and fake looking bullet ricochets and poor ADR it might make your leg fall off BUT ——— at least it’s more fun than what we’ve seen so far. Bad, to be sure, but not so mopey and hurt yourself inducing.

Looking at the movie date I’ll put two and two together because I know how to do basic math and reason that this sucker got made back when Grindhouse movies were trying to make a comeback because of Tarantino’s Grindhouse and we got a bunch of shitty movies like Bitch Slap and Sugar Boxx and I’ll try to think of some others but that’s not what we’re here for and here’s these filthy mouthed, ass and ball kicking nuns who smoke and drink and kill you dead and even Jesus doing a techno dance number to a – well – kind of a catchy song, really. So, unlike the previous installments in this series, this one is full of blood and killin’ and nudity and chick fights and kissin’ and smoking and dope and drinking and dirty priests and people with bad teeth and whatever you think, it’s probably in there. Well maybe not everything but they threw in a lot. It’s still not very good to me and they could have gone with some better lighting or less exposure but they probably had fun so that works for me. Again – not good but probably more fun that going to a four year old’s birthday party where one of the suggested gifts is “an experience”.

How does this go? Right! A chick is dancing at a strip club which I guess is accurate since I’ve never been to one ever in my life uh uh nope not on your life buddy huh uh and her teets are swirling around and she seems happy because we know it’s not a real lap dance unless the stripper is crying and she leaves the stage and this nun comes out and remains fully clothed but she’s really busting a move or two and then she pulls out the jammy and kills everyone except for one guy who sends her to her true second death and some council of priests and nuns is all “holy shit who’s going to take her place” and someone nominates this one lady who just got in trouble for beating up some other lady who was trying to pervert touch her boobs in the shower and then beat the shit out of some priest for fooling around with altar boys so they send her to some other convent for some other reason and along the way she’s about to get the unwanted sex from three thugs in an alley but she kills them all instead those filthy cocksuckers and is subsequently gunned down for her first death by three other nuns. Somewhere, someone says “I’m always grateful for a lecture in Venereal Disease”. Got that so far?

Up in heaven, Jesus leads a group of hard hitting nuns in a – honestly – catchy dance song about his dad and explains to her that she gets two lives and now she gets to go back to earth and do some killin’ in the name of all that’s holy. There’s a brief and wholly uninteresting training sequence and poof she’s back in town and she’s ready to fucking party I mean get down I mean she knows how to have a good time I mean have you bought your tickets to the gun show I mean bring it on you murdering sons of bitches and she guns down a dozen or so people who seemed to just want to eat their pasta and say things like “bada bing” while adjusting their neckties.

Everything seems to be going everyone’s way until the Mom Boss of the mafia people hire a Jewish assassin to kill off the nuns because her boys won’t shoot back because they’re good catholic Italians. He knows king fu and his yarmulke has razors that’ll cut your fucking head clean off and he “likes killing nuns”. And —- seriously – this is when the movie here starts to get fun if not even entertaining.

That’s Sister Lust up above with the Afro and she’s horny, you see. Aside from that being one of the few pictures I can find of this thing, the last part of this movie is kind of fun. There’s a huge Blues Brothers type brawl in a bar called (I think) Nun of Your Business (I think) where nuns are beating each other up and then face off against the Jewish killer. And it’s funny that the last big part is a cheap shoot-out through a house that has walls covered with old 70s ‘sploitation movies, a lot of which I covered out here that were good clean fun. Like The Sister in Law and The Stepmother and I think I saw Pickup and The Teacher but now it’s been a few days and I’m not positive but anyway.

Do the nuns win?? Does Jesus dance? Does the angel smoke menthol or Marlboro lights in a poorly missed prop or piece of the story? His many times do you think it took me to type out / spell / get past autocorrect with the word Marlboro? Does anyone get laid in this movie? Does anyone blame the big crucifixion on a people other than the Jews? Does anyone call anyone else a douche? Did someone I know up at work really fart and ask me if “I could smell what The Rock was cookin’”?

You can find the answer to some of those burning questions in the movie I’ve been going on about. It’s actually kind of fun I guess if we really had to pigeonhole it so there’s that. There’s also this updated version of our chart to help you out during these long summer nights when, maybe, your loved ones are away or your air conditioner is broken or you’re just battling some general malaise: